Lessons From Writing a Toast at my Best Friend’s Wedding

Hey gorgeous,

What a summer it’s been! I’ve learned SO much this season about what it means to be an empowered woman, and the many places I still have within my heart to grow.

Here’s an exciting thing, I GOT ENGAGED! What a ride it’s been. Getting engaged has been a rite of passage to say the least. This ring has amplified the GOOD in our relationship, as well as the parts that still need fine tuning and transformation. As a seeker, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ll save those learnings for a future blog post…

Today I want to share a story about what I learned writing and producing a toast for my best friend’s wedding.

As I began writing last weekend, I remember looking at my blank page with so much misery, mistrust, and fear. How could I possibly convey a 26 year friendship in a 5 minute toast?

I’ve always enjoyed the art of public speaking, as I do it in my workshops and retreats all the time. But writing a toast for 150 people, and creating that from nothing activated many old stories from my past:

“I’m stupid.”

“I don’t know how to do this.”

“They will hate me.”

“I’m doing this wrong.”

“This needs to be the best speech ever or I’m a total failure.”

OH THE PRESSURE I put on myself!

I finally let go and trusted my intuition on what to share, and soon (after 5 days of editing) I finally felt good about the flow of the toast. This past Saturday evening, after much practice, I spoke from my heart and honored this couple fully. Funny thing is, my toast followed the most handsome, charming, eloquent (and to top it off FUNNY) Australian man, which had me squirming in my seat the entire time because no one could ever top that! But when it was time for me to go, I dropped in and let ‘er rip.

Truth is, up until that moment, I had been holding back in life. 

I’ve been putting a cap on my expression as a leader and slowly but surely became silent online and in social media. A few things happened a year and a half ago that rocked my confidence, and I let those experiences diminish my light. Sure I was still showing up in my workshops and in my private coaching practice, but in the realm of using my voice out in the world and in public, I brought nothing to the table. Radio silence.

This toast brought me and my light back to life. I realized that I do have something to offer. I realized my voice makes a difference. I realized that those old stories aren’t true, and that with effort, patience, and trust, I can create a speech that stops time and moves an audience with laughter and tears. Most importantly, the group was inspired by the newly married couple’s love, and that was my only intention. I wanted to paint a picture of their relationship with words and stories, and it worked.

It might sound like I’m bragging. And the truth is, I am.  Here’s what I mean…

I believe it’s so important for women to celebrate ourselves and our victories, and of course, to celebrate the victories of our brothers and sisters as well. I got many acknowledgements that night about my speaking ability and presence, and for the first time ever, I let those affirmations in. You see, there has always been a voice in my head that believes in my “wrongness” first. It’s a place of deficiency, lack, and insecurity. This time, I believed in my goodness and greatness first.

Receiving those compliments and believing them is a testament to the work I’ve done this past year and a half.

What I faced in the struggle, as depressing as it was at times, was what I needed to shine. Diamonds, after all, go through a rigorous process before they are worn.

My time in that dark cave of hibernation was necessary to get to my next level of leadership. I needed that time of rest to reset.

I’m clear that I have something to teach from my year and a half absence. Those emails are in the queue… Just you wait!

So, dear one. If you’re going through a challenging time… Trust it. This process is too important to ignore. And when you get an opportunity to come out of your hibernation, trust that process too and please- KEEP GOING! It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

You’ll know when it’s time to beam your light. Truth is, every woman’s shining has a different light and essence. Your only job is to become so fully and completely YOU without abandon, that you could be rejected by most of the world and still feel awesome about yourself. When your light is that bright, no darkness can touch it. Nothing can take it away.

Here’s what I know to be true. Our light never, ever, goes out completely. There’s always a flicker. So surround yourself with friends and family who *get* you and believe in you. Develop a team of love warriors who will have your back no matter what. These defenders will stoke your fire. That’s what helped me during my time, and those teammates were there waiting on the other side with so much celebration.

Remember, dear one. You matter.  And turns out, I do, too.

Thank you for reading my (vulnerable) story.

Love,

Chrissy

P.S. I’ve re-opened my private coaching practice for women ready to shine. Feeling debilitated by a challenge? Forget who you are? Let’s dive in. After my own dark night of the soul, I know how to meet your pain with compassion, and definitely know the steps for you to come back to life. Book your 45 minute discovery call with me now by clicking this link.

 

How to Eat Healthy Without Losing Yourself in the Process (VIDEO)

Hey gorgeous,

Did you make any new health resolutions at the start of the year? I know I did. I’ve been on a “healthy eating” train since January 1st, 2018, and I’ve been enjoying the benefits big time. New energy. New clarity. New strength.

But even with the right intentions, discipline, and commitment, I slowly but surely realized that my “healthy choices” were taking some unhealthy turns.

I realized over the weekend that I’ve been restricting myself more than freeing myself. This video will share more…

Healthy Eating: Freedom or Restriction?

As you probably know by now, I’m a big fan of vulnerability. I believe this quality holds our human species together for the better. I’m taking a risk and sharing this video with you because I hope you will learn from my choices.

I want to live in a world where it’s safe to be real, safe to make mistakes, and safe to tell the truth. Thank you for hearing my truth.

To be honest, it’s been a vulnerable 3 months for me. A lot of changes, internal and external. Actually, more internal than external, but the external changes are coming. LOOK OUT!

If you feel called, I’d love for you to respond to this email and let me know how you’re doing. I’m guessing a lot has been going on for you as well. Gimme the updates, the changes, the goodness and the lessons. I’m here to cheer you on.

More stories to come!

Love,

Chrissy

Start the New Year Right (Personal Story Inside)

Happy New Year! It’s that time of year to make. sh*t. happen. Are you feeling the buzz? You get what you focus on, and right now is the PERFECT time for you to start again and create the best year of your life.

You get to be who you are without apology.

You get to call in the love you desire without settling.

You get to make new choices aligned with your TRUE SELF.

This is your time, Chrissy.

You, and only you are responsible for claiming your dreams. As soon as you make the decision to love yourself, and treat yourself incredibly well along the way, you, and the world around you, will change for good.

Now… I have a question for you and I want you to be honest:

What do you desire this year?

What comes up for you when I ask that question?

Do you know what you desire?

Once you’re so specifically clear on what you desire, and you go after it with everything you’ve got, the universe will show up to support you. This is where you become a magnet. This is where you become a vessel for truth, compassion, forgiveness, and beauty to move through you. Every mistake you make along the way will become a lesson. Before you know it, you’ll be harmonizing with the Universe, creating the most beautiful symphony of life.

Saying YES to what you desire is where dreams come true.

You just have to speak your desires into existence. Even if it’s scary.

I’ll never forget the moment last New Year’s Eve when I claimed and spoke my desire into existence with my community.

The clock struck midnight, and something pretty epic shifted in my heart and in my brain. I was done with the worrying. The waiting. The complaining.

I was ready to make this year about my relationship with Steve. I told all my friends that this was our year. So we put our hearts and souls into couple’s therapy, I began focusing on the good and started letting go of old habits and patterns that sabotaged our love– for good. I got honest. I got serious.

I committed.

But I knew I needed more practices in place to make this commitment stick. In order to make my relationship with Steve thrive, I needed to put some non-negotiable pieces of SELF CARE in place.

Here’s the thing. I had one other, really big commitment last year… Becoming a highly skilled and certified workshop facilitator at CORI knew that in order to give my all to my work AND also give my best to Steve, I needed to come home from my workshops and rest, repair, and restore. You see, these workshops require tons of mental, emotional, physical and spiritual energy. Without the proper self-care routine upon return, I would implode and take it out on Steve. So I made sure to take Mondays and sometimes even Tuesdays off after these workshops in order to sleep, receive massages, and reset my nervous system with chiropractic work.

My health needed to be a priority, so I also committed to having a consistent yoga practice the whole year of 2017. My body really suffered in 2016, and when my body suffered, my relationship suffered too. That’s why on January 2nd 2017, I signed up for multiple yoga packages at multiple different studios. I discovered what my body liked the most, and I found a home for myself at the sweetest studio in San Francisco. I found a family there. How does this relate to Steve? When I’m connected to my breath, more flexible in my body, I become more patient, receptive, and generous with my love. Sure this yoga practice helped my whole entire being, but it really helped me be a more loving partner.

But truly, the most important thing I did for my self care last year was attending an 8 day silent meditation retreat. This helped me lay out my foundation for the most loving year of my life. I was so, so, so scared to go. The idea of silence with no form of distraction terrified me. But this experience helped me get present, silent, and calm. And presence, I’ve discovered, is ALL we need to get through any hard thing. Presence for me is simply arriving at what’s so, and then handing it all over to Spirit.

This retreat helped me face demons inside of myself I had been denying for decades. I got to witness and welcome those parts of me in such subtle yet powerful ways that they began to purify and dissolve. Some would call this Divine Therapy. I now have a deep rooted trust in Spirit. I now know how to surrender to my waves of humanity with Grace.

When I got home from this retreat last January, Steve could feel the shift in my energy. There was a softness in my face and a patience in my voice that had him stop in his tracks. He knew this was going to be our year, too.

This meditation practice made such a difference for me, that I’m doing the same retreat again in a couple of weeks. It’s the reset I hope I can always turn to at the beginning of the year.

Looking at our relationship today, I realize that I fulfilled my intention of 2017. Now in 2018, Steve and I get to ENJOY what we’ve healed and created.

Putting my all into this relationship became a spiritual practice.

Are we perfect? No way.

Do we still bicker and argue sometimes? Yes.

The difference this time around is our turnaround time.

How long it takes us to apologize, take responsibility, give up our righteousness, forgive, and offer compassion instead of judgment is what helps us get back on track and into love.

Today Steve and I hear each other. Respect each other. Support each other. And really deeply love each other.

We have a new commitment today, and it’s to clean up our diet. Something I’ve never, ever, done before. We’re currently on day 8 of no gluten, dairy, sugar, beans, alcohol, or take out. I’ve struggled with emotional eating a lot of my life, so this is a very big deal. But Steve and I are in this together, and it feels incredibly worth it. This program we’re doing is called Whole30, and if you want to follow my journey find me on Instagram.

I know with the right commitment, I can transform my health.

Our relationship is proof.

Thanks for reading my story, Chrissy. I really appreciate you taking the time to be here with me.

Just get clear on what you desire, gorgeous. Set up the foundational pieces to make it happen. Then commit and let the Universe amaze you.

Love,

Chrissy

P.S. Let me know what you desire this year and I’ll root you on by commenting below!

ALSO, we have 3 COR Woman Retreats coming up over the next few months all over the U.S. I would love to support you there. This is the biggest reset you could ever give yourself as a woman. This transformation will last a lifetime. You deserve it. Check it out here.

A Christmas Miracle

Merry Christmas eve! I have a story to tell you that might help you get in to the Christmas spirit.

After couple’s therapy Wednesday night, Steve and I decided to have a real date night to celebrate our past year and everything we moved through and stepped into as a couple. But the best part? After magically finding parking near the restaurant in SF, we noticed a woman double parked in front of us asking for help- she needed to bring about 40 poinsettias to her mother’s convalescent home. She wanted to gift every resident and nurse a piece of holiday cheer.

We helped her move every single one of these gorgeous plants from her car to the home, and got to see the difference this gesture made in the lives of our elders… many without family this time of year. Many close to the end.

You could feel the JOY these flowers brought to the home. This act dropped me in to the essence of this season. Kindness. Generosity. Love. Receptivity. I’m so grateful for Linda, the angel who generously donated her time and money to making every resident of this home feel special. The receptivity is what moved me the most. Everyone so graciously received her gift.

Something else to note is that Linda had a hard time walking. She was hunched over and clearly had back problems, but her physical pain didn’t limit her generosity. She still showed up.

The photo below only shows about half the flowers. It was overwhelming in the best possible way. This might sound cheesy, but this felt like a Christmas miracle. I wish you could have seen how happy these flowers made the residents and nurses.

I was stressing the small stuff earlier that day. Like…really lame stuff. And this little act helped me remember what’s important.

Have you had any inspiring or touching moments this holiday season? Share with me in the comments. I’d love to hear.

Love,

Chrissy

Closure: A Process to Complete 2017

Hey gorgeous,

Can you believe 2017 is is about to end in a few short weeks? If you’re ready to bring this year to a powerful close with celebration and love, I have a process just for you.

You’ll want to set aside at least an hour to reflect on your year. So get out your journal, and create some sacred space honor your unique 2017.

1. At the top of your first blank page, write: My Year in Review. The first phase of this reflection is to honor the good. What you’re grateful for, and what you’re really proud of from your year. This is where you get to celebrate anything and everything you accomplished, stepped into, and created month by month. Include the challenges you were able to overcome. Include the joy, the love, and the creation. Really go back in time and remember your year with a focus on the big & small + the internal & external accomplishments. Let your whole body feel this. Stay present, stay connected, and stay grateful.

2. Let Go. The next step is to write about the particularly painful parts of your year. We need to honor these moments too. If we forget about them or ignore them, or try and push them under the rug, we miss the progress, transformation, and lesson. So, find your next blank page in your journal, and begin to write about anything about your year that was particularly painful. Keep writing until you can’t think of another painful thing that that you experienced. Get it all out. These could be failures. Challenges. Heartbreaks. Deaths. Jealousy. Trust yourself. As emotions arise, allow them. Welcome them. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to grieve. Grieve. Welcome all of your feelings, grievances, resentments, anger, or grief with compassion.

3. Forgive. After getting all of your pain out, you may notice there are areas in your life that need forgiveness. Where you missed the mark. And begin a new page titled: Forgiveness. On this page, write all the things you can forgive yourself for.

It can look like this: I forgive myself for:______________. And the truth is _______________.

I forgive myself for not writing an email to my list for 4 months. The truth is I was feeling lost and unsure of how to show up in the world, and I needed that time to safeguard my energy and thoughts. My inner critic was running the show. Thanks to that break I now know how much I LOVE showing up for my community and I believe in myself more than ever.

Keep going until you feel complete. You’ll know when you’re forgiven. There will be a new space that opens up inside.

4. Reflect. Then go back and read through all of your written pages, noting any themes that occur. Take this time to thank every challenge you experienced and the growth you experienced throughout the year. Get curious about the lessons you learned.

5. Then title the next page: The biggest lesson I learned in 2017 is… And write it down. Claim your lesson. Claim your teaching.

6. Then, close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths and imagine yourself growing up one year older, one year wiser. Then another year. And another year… Keep imagining yourself growing older until you’re 10 years older than you are now. From this perspective, write yourself a letter of congratulations for the year you just experienced. And then give your younger self some advice from this older, and wiser perspective. Let her know what’s ahead and what she has to look forward to. What sage wisdom can you share with her?

7. Celebrate! Find a way to complete this exercise (and your year) in a way that’s personal and unique to you. It could be dance. It could be walk in nature. What could help you seal this year with appreciation, joy, and love? Just honor yourself and thank yourself with your whole being.

I really encourage you to share your lessons with the world. That could be a beautiful way to complete your year. Giving your lesson away and have it serve another soul who could really use it. I know I’d personally like to hear the lesson you learned this year. Care to share with me? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks for taking the time to complete your year, beautiful. Congratulations! YOU DID IT! I’m so proud of you. Thank you for showing up day after day. Thank you for taking care of yourself. For showing up when it was HARD to even put on your shoes. Thank you for feeding your children. For helping anyone in need. Thank you for completing your education. Thank you for spreading kindness. Thank you for saying YES to this life even when it was hard.

You can do hard things. Your year in review is PROOF!

Love,

Chrissy

P.S. Let me know how this exercise goes. I’m here to support you and celebrate you! Reply to this email and let me know.

Ask Yourself These Questions When You’re Struggling

Hey gorgeous,

Today’s message is about suffering.

Yeah, yeah… That’s a crappy word, right? But what is suffering, really?

Suffering is how you choose to relate to your pain, struggle, or life circumstance. You can let your pain serve you or disempower you. You might find yourself in a repetitive pattern that takes you out of presence. Maybe you find yourself feeling downright unhappy. Maybe you’re stuck in a job that you hate. Maybe you’re struggling with a relationship dynamic that hurts. Maybe your body is in pain and you find yourself unable to move or exercise the way you used to.

This saying sums up what I’ll be talking about today: “Pain in inevitable, but suffering is optional.”

Life is painful sometimes. I know it. But how you show up in the pain is what matters.

Let me explain…

My fall workshop season was packed. I led many weekend workshops back to back where I traveled across the country, and I even got to participate in a workshop and receive from others. It was a very expansive Fall where I grew, learned, and transformed at rapid rates. The dust finally settled this week, and I found myself feeling depleted, vulnerable, and sad.

It wasn’t until I realized that I was experiencing a contraction post such an expansive few months that I brought myself back to presence and caught my breath.

I was struggling because I was resisting the contraction. I couldn’t accept that I was still recovering from a busy and expansive workshop season. I so wished that I could be “normal” and recover quickly, but that wasn’t the case. I wasn’t being compassionate with myself- instead I was being so hard on myself and making myself wrong for being different, weird, and sensitive.

Here’s the internal tool that I used to bring me back to presence and compassion, and totally eased my suffering…

I ask myself these questions: “What am I resisting?” and “What am I not accepting?”

When I saw so clearly what I was resisting (the contraction) I could relax into it. When I accepted the space that I was in, I made peace with my experience and even found some beauty in it. My mind didn’t have to go as crazy. I had more space for my experience. I could relax, and no longer felt the need to make myself wrong for my internal state.

Here’s another example of how this tool helped me this past week…

We were in driving in some crazy SF traffic Tuesday night, so I decided to use this trick on myself.

What was I resisting? Traffic.

What was I not accepting? That I might be late to a friend’s house for dinner.

Once I accepted the traffic and no longer pushed against the possibility of being late and accepted it, I relaxed and had fun in the car with my friends. This internal dialogue helped ease my suffering in many different situations this week, and maybe it will help you too .

When you find yourself in a tough moment, perhaps you can ask yourself these questions, too, and reply back and let me know how these questions served you.

Love,

Chrissy

P.S.Thank you for reading this email. I value your time SO much, and appreciate you taking the time to read this. Also- if you didn’t already know, fires have been raging in Southern California. It’s been devastating and scary for my So Cal friends and family. This article shows the many different ways you can help.

How to Complete Your Intention (Learn from my mistakes!)

If you live in the U.S., I hope you had a restorative Thanksgiving weekend. If you missed my video last week on how to create a powerful intention for the holidays, check it out here. I’m happy to say that I had the BEST Thanksgiving weekend with my family. The best one yet. And that’s because of the intention I created.

The holidays are usually incredibly overwhelming and emotional for me, so this was a huge breakthrough. 

I wanted to experience love, connection, and joy with my family and friends and I did just that and more. Every choice I made throughout our time together helped us all experience deep love, connection and joy. I left feeling so filled up with gratitude for my life.

Here are a few of the highlights of my trip home with my family.

Our family dog (who is sick with lymphoma) snuggled with me every night as a way to savor our remaining months together.

My cousin and her fiancé asked me to officiate their wedding in the Fall. (OMG!).

I played basketball with my dad and boyfriend and remembered how competitive and athletic I am. (I won.)

I ate Thanksgiving at the “Kids Table” and soaked up the innocent joy of my 11 little cousins.

Screen Shot 2017-12-24 at 11.11.40 AM

But wait…

While this was the best Thanksgiving ever, I need to confess one small little thing that snuck up and blindsided me.

I FORGOT TO POWERFULLY COMPLETE THE WEEKEND!

I was so happy with my result of a successful Thanksgiving with my family, that I forgot to focus on my return home. I forgot to resource and wrap a beautiful bow around the experience when I returned to my house in San Francisco.

Instead of powerfully completing the weekend, I crashed and burned. Whoops 🙂

This is something I used to do after leading big workshops, and other epic experiences like Burning Man and other festivals.

When we expand, we contract. This is our nature. I’m usually aware of the rebound effect, but NOT THIS weekend! I completely forgot.

My crash looked like crying and missing my dogs. It looked like “relaxing in the hot tub” to unwind with Steve, when instead I used that time to bicker with him over the same old argument we always get into. (Not fun!)

I realized as I crawled into bed that evening that I had forgotten to include my return home and back to reality in my intention. I visualized all the love, joy and connection with my family, but what about the love, joy and connection with my boyfriend upon my return home?

NOW I KNOW! For all future intentions that I set, I MUST see the intention all the way through to the day after the experience ends. Every moment counts.

Here’s what I could have done to complete the weekend…

I could have journaled about my gratitude for the weekend to bring it to a powerful close. I could have written about my favorite frames and memories from the weekend.

I could have watched a happy Christmas movie and relax and snuggle with Steve without any words. (I was tired. Being tired is a great ingredient for fights! Better to steer clear of a triggering conversation and relax without words.)

I could have noticed my internal state and named my feelings, instead of suppressing them and reacting to them in sideways ways that looked like bickering and arguing with Steve.

I could have texted a family member to share how much I loved them.

I could have asked myself, “Are you choosing love, connection, and joy right now?” The answer was NO. A big fat no. I had forgotten about my intention.

So… Please, dear ones.

Don’t crash and burn like me. When you create your intention, play the WHOLE tape through. I made the mistake of only focusing my attention through Sunday morning. I forgot to focus my energy and love into Monday morning as well.

Human beings rarely powerfully complete things.

We start books and don’t finish them.

We create ideas and don’t execute them.

We quit jobs without honoring and grieving them.

When you create an intention, stick to it.

When I realized I fell off course of my intention, I GOT BACK ON. I chose again. It took me one breath, one hug, one apology, and one act of self forgiveness to return to love, joy, and connection.

That’s why I’m still telling my friends that I had the best Thanksgiving weekend ever.

I’m grateful for my humanity. I’m grateful for this lesson.

Thanks for reading my story.

So much love,

Chrissy

P.S. Tell me about your weekend! I’d love to hear about your own intention and anything you learned along the way. Reply back to let me know. I’d love to connect.

Set a Powerful Intention This Holiday Season {Video}

Hey gorgeous,

Are you crystal clear on how you want to feel this holiday season? Do you know exactly where you want to focus your energy and attention so you can experience love, expansion, and joy?

If you answered “YES!” to these questions, chances are you don’t need my message today. You’re intentional!

If you don’t have a clear intention this holiday season, this message is for you. I want you to feel empowered, alive, and HAPPY at every event you attend this holiday season, and I have a video that will show you how to do so.

I set intentions for just about everything. Festivals. Vacations. Holidays. Reunions. Parties. You name it. I put focus, attention, and heart into every aspect of my life. Setting a simple and powerful intention helps me make better choices. The more specific and focused I am, the happier and more fulfilled I become.

In fact, I’ve been very intentional for the past 5 months. I’ve been clear that I wasn’t ready to write an email to all of my wonderful subscribers because I haven’t felt grounded and connected to my truth. I’ve been sifting through my beliefs, concerns, and stance for the world because let’s face it, mama Earth has been crying out for help. With the natural disasters, the white supremacy, the mass shootings, the #metoo campaign, and the overall political climate of our world- I’ve been processing triggers all the while pouring my heart and soul into my private clients and retreats.

I didn’t want to send you an email until I felt grounded and trigger-free.

I’m happy to stay that I’m on the other side of this hibernation and no longer feel the need to safeguard my energy and thoughts. I’m ready to serve you with a quick video I shot this afternoon after an inspiring coaching call with one of my clients. Thank you so much for your patience with me. I’m thrilled to be back in your inbox.

Here’s a video on how to create your own powerful intention this holiday season so you can get you want (and light up the room in the process).

Click the image below to watch:

You are the source of your life, dear one. You get to decide and create the atmosphere, energy, and overall mood of every life circumstance you interact with.

I’d love to hear the intention you’ve created for yourself this holiday season, and how you want to feel about yourself when these experiences are complete. Let me know in the comments, and I’ll personally write you back! I’ve missed you so much!

Love,

Chrissy

 

How to Ask for What You Want and Receive Support like a Goddess

If you’re new to my work, HELLO! I’m so happy you’re here. Let me introduce myself…

I’m Chrissy Brady-Smith, feminine emancipator and women’s empowerment coach. I do the work of the heart.

I believe a woman’s vulnerability is her greatest gift.

Some call me a heart worker because I help women find, face, feel, and free all the fearful layers that cover the heart which deflect intimacy and vulnerability. When these strategies and defenses soften and heal, women make better choices which impact their relationships, family, businesses, and world for the better. When a woman’s love is liberated, the planet heals.

Last week, I took this mission up a few hundred vulnerable notches.

Following my blog post last Friday, I got the pull from Grace to dive deeper into my teenager’s story. I decided to tell the whole truth about her sexual wounding from high school, a truth you can find on my Facebook Biz. This link will take you to the newsletter, plus new vulnerable stories.

Let’s begin with the MINUTE before posting my story. I get this text from an unknown number:

“Just feel called to reach out and say thank you. Thank you for all you do. You are a fucking rockstar, badass, warrior, goddess woman. Thank you.”

“Um. WHAT?” I say to myself, “Who are you and how did you know I REALLY need to hear that?”

I took that text as a sign to finally hit “post,” and THANK GOD I did.  I shared a picture of my 17 year old self and two very raw and naked stories from my teen years that had been hiding in the darkness of my psyche for 15 years. What followed was a tidal wave of support from fans, friends, family, moms of ex boyfriends, and complete strangers.

Turns out every inner teenager has a story, and my story telling gave permission for others to honor their past as well.

But want to know a secret? I freaked out before, during, and after posting those stories. Like… FREAKED. I have never felt more resistance in my life! Every excuse showed up in my mind to try and steer me off course.

I knew that without the proper support, I could very easily take the post down with the simple click of “delete,” (something I’ve done in the past).

So, what did I do?

I wrote a mass text to 15 of my greatest champions and biggest supporters with a clear request.

Here’s the first text: Screen Shot 2017-05-11 at 4.26.03 PM

Here’s the next text to a group of new friends the following day (when I was thinking about taking the post down).

“I’m reaching out with a vulnerable request. Yesterday I posted the most risky and vulnerable post on my Facebook Biz page naming the sexual traumas I experienced in high school, and the ways in which I’m taking back my healthy sense of aliveness in my body now. I’ve been in a huge healing process this month around my sexuality and it’s time now to share it about publicly. Would you be willing to read it and show your support with either a comment or even just a “heart” when you have a chance? Thank you. I’m eternally grateful. Please know, if there’s any way I can support you with these vulnerable leaps, let me know, and I’ll be there.”

That’s asking for what you want. I let these friends into my world and gave them the gift to support me.

In the past I would have seen these requests as a signs of weakness or burden.

My younger self thought she had to battle with life on her own, but the Goddess knows how to dance with life and attract what she desires with action. This clear request set everyone up for success: Myself, my community, and the fans on my Facebook page. They got to experience what support looks, feels, and sounds like thanks to these glorious champions of mine- even on a story that brings up so much shame and embarrassment.

Not to mention, my boyfriend Steve’s comment was the biggest “mic drop” I’ve ever seen. You’ve gotta see it.

The healing balm for shame and embarrassment is LIGHT. Shine light on it, baby. Shine light on it now. Give those shadows a voice and bring them out of the darkness so they can be purified and healed by light. Take baby steps. Share with one person who makes you feel safe. Let yourself be seen and heard.

This was such a reparative experience for my teen self.

Thanks to this post and request, my whole purpose as a women’s empowerment coach has begun to shift, and I have no doubt my voice will be going back to high school campuses to transform the realm of sex education. There’s too much wounding in this area that we can’t afford to ignore any longer.

So thank you, dear for reading my story, yet again.

If you couldn’t already tell, vulnerability is the cornerstone of my business, and this is JUST the beginning.

If you need support in vulnerably asking for what YOU want without any shame or excuse getting in the way, let me know in the comments. I can’t wait to hear from you.

Love,

Chrissy

P.S. I’m still offering 3 Hour intensives (done by Skype) to anyone desiring deeper healing for their teenage selves. This offer will be available until my BIRTHDAY next week May 18th. Our time together will free you up in your voice, body, heart, and mind. Write me an email at chrissy@chrissybradysmith.com to set up your introductory call with me to see if this coaching is right for you, with the subject line: Teen Intensive. I’m SO excited to get to know you.

(Teenage) Sexual Healing

I haven’t shared much about my sexuality on this page. I have some old conditioning that still plays out in my head, telling me that I’ll be disliked or shunned for speaking out about this. I have a fear of letting people down for sharing this part of myself. People like my family.

But as a Women’s Empowerment Coach, I know the cost of shame. Shame thrives in the dark, so I see it as my purpose to give my shame a voice. If this helps ONE person, then this post will be worth it.

I’m a truth teller. And it fucking kills me a times. Here it goes…

18222610_1964537307108719_7398294609465408419_nDo you relate to your teenage self?

I’ve been remembering my own teenage self lately, and giving her lots of air time to be heard.

After watching the Netflix show, “13 Reasons Why,” a show about high school bullying, sexual assault, and suicide- I’ve remembered experiences from my teenage years that caused a lot of harm and hurt.

High school was an important time for me; it was the best of times and the worst of times. I experienced many firsts. First period. First boyfriend. First kiss.

For the most part, I felt very freed up in my sexuality. It felt healthy, pure, and innocent. I waited until I was “ready” to have sex with my high school sweetheart. A young man I loved and trusted in every way. But after a couple of minor sexual traumas in my teen years, I lost that sense of innocent sexual curiosity and expression.

Those minor traumas looked like getting caught by a cop in the back of a car, and being told that I was a whore. My very first boyfriend and I weren’t having sex, but I was caught with my clothes off, and the cop locked me in the car and shined his flashlight all over my naked body. He later let me out of the car to give me a lecture, which humiliated me even more. He assumed we were having sex, which we weren’t, as I was still a virgin and not yet ready. Did he actually tell me I was a whore? I don’t think so, but that’s the message I received from him (and his flashlight). Without going into more detail, I couldn’t process that night with anyone. I was too ashamed and scared.

Then at a high school party, my high school sweet heart and I were getting intimate in a room and I later found out that a bunch of his friends were spying on us outside. (By “intimate” I mean: awkward, teenage, ouch, this is uncomfortable, what are we doing, I’m doing this because I love you and we finally have a private room with a bed… sex.) Rumors were spread. Horrified? Embarrassed? Those words don’t come close to what I felt. To top it all off, this never got resolved. Bye bye healthy and curious expression of sexuality, hello shame.

Thanks to the show “13 Reasons Why,” I’ve had no choice but to remember those painful moments in my teenage years, and my intuition told me it was time to do the deeper work that I’ve been avoiding. As many of you know, when I was 21 I was raped, which wound up being the most intense sexual trauma I’ve ever experienced. But I’ve processed and healed that one. Those times from high school were never thought about again… Until now.

With the help of my couple’s therapist/ coach and chiropractor/ reiki master, I’ve been going back in time to reclaim parts of my sexuality that I abandoned in my teenage years due to trauma, gossip, and pain. I’ve been able to take back that healthy sense of aliveness I used to feel in my body before I got hurt. It’s been transformational.

Why is teenage healing so important for adult women?

Our teenage years are the time of new beginnings, innocence, and curiosity. This is our foundation as women; the stage of puberty where young women blossom into their potential. Unfortunately this precious time is either rushed through or completely dismissed and forgotten this day in age. There’s sadly no rite of passage welcoming a girl into her womanhood after her first menstrual cycle. This first cycle marks the end of her childhood and the beginning of womanhood. That’s a very big deal!

Without a warm welcoming and safe mentoring, many girls rush through this stage and grow up too fast, or they miss it completely and never grow up.

I have an exercise for you to welcome your inner teenager back into your heart so you can write a new story for her so she can feel safe to keep growing, expression, and exploring.

Put on a song that reminds of you your teenage innocence, close your eyes, and summon your inner teenager back. See her in your mind’s eye, and really sense her and tune in to her spirit. What does she need? In your own time, affirm her and let her know what she needs to hear so she can keep going on this path to becoming a woman. Become the mentor she perhaps never had. Let her know how beautiful she is, how accepted she is, and how proud you are of her. Really love her with your words and attention. If anyone ever hurt her, let her know that it was not her fault. Let her know how amazing it is to be a woman, and how much she has to look forward to on this journey.

Your inner teenager might have a lesson for you as well.

What can your inner teenager teach you? Get out your journal, and let her speak to you through your pen. Have a conversation with her and let yourself be loved.

At our COR Woman workshop, we do a lot of healing at this level through the archetype of The Maiden. She’s one of the 7 archetypes we explore because this is how we become whole women. When each of these 7 archetypal qualities are summoned back into our hearts, minds, and voices, we integrate into our true selves, where our whole range can be celebrated and expressed. This is where we step outside our comfortable bubbles and write new stories for ourselves.

So… I want to thank you for hearing my story. It’s vulnerable for me to share my teenage self with you, but I trust that you’ll honor my process as I will of course honor yours.

But most of all, thank you for hearing YOUR OWN TEENAGER’S story. She needs your love, attention, and affection. Thank you for honoring her. Let me know how it goes.

Hugs,

Chrissy

P.S. I’m offering Maiden Healing Intensives now. Email me at chrissy@chrissybradysmith.com for details with the subject line: Maiden Healing.