Have you ever needed a break to come undone? To chill? To rest? To cry? I made the choice to stay away from email for the past week and a half, and let me tell you, it was hard. In the back of my head I heard this voice yell, “YOU MUST BE CONSISTENT, YOU HAVE TO STAY CONNECTED TO YOUR COMMUNITY OR YOU WILL FAIL!”
Luckily I know better than to listen to that voice of fear.
Instead, I trusted my deeper wisdom and chose to disconnect from this platform so I could reconnect to myself.
I’ve recently returned from a 5 week adventure across Bali and Western Australia. I landed on US Soil on Sunday night and felt in my empathic ways the trouble that my country is in as a Nation (without even turning on my phone). Sure the jet lag might have had something to do with my hyper sensitive emotions, plus the culture shock of returning from a blissed out adventure on the most feminine island in the world, but I felt something pretty painful when I landed inside a nation that was angry, mourning, or even worse, ignoring. I had no choice but to feel the pain of loss.
There are times when we should work, and there are times when we have to mourn. I chose to mourn.
You see, the US has been through A LOT this past month. A primary election that has called forth ugliness and competition all over social media and the news. Sentencing a rapist to only 6 months in jail, bringing to light the ways in which rape culture and white privilege are still working to silence survivors of sexual violence. Then, the Orlando Attack of hatred which killed 49 people inside a space where the LGBTQ community was supposed to feel free and safe. I’m not even counting the thousands of lives who are traumatized and suffering from Post Traumatic Stress as a result of this kind of hate.
Because of these events, I couldn’t go on with business as usual…
And that’s okay.
This kind of madness leaves a collective wound on all of our hearts, whether we’re conscious to it or not. A scar that will harden us over time if we don’t offer it healing balm now.
The healing balm we need now more than ever is love. Love is always the answer, it is always the way through. Love is an unlimited source of energy. When we share our love with others we don’t lose any love, it only expands and multiplies in power.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the Shadow. Shadows function and thrive in the dark. When fear, hatred, jealousy, sexual desire, rage, and anger are suppressed or hidden, and not offered the loving space to be explored or talked about, they will own us. When they’re pushed down or ignored, they WILL find a way out in secondary, sideways ways. Ways in the most extreme cases that are violent; ways that terrorize, rape, and kill.
I wish I had a tangible call to action. I wish I could offer some words of inspiration for the world during these times. All I have is this.
The healing starts with us.
Peace begins with you.
The narrative will change when you change the narrative.
My hope and prayer today is that every classroom, workplace, and home has the space to process these events. The safe space to process their own shadows, their own shame, their own hate, their own pain, their own anger. And of course, I hope there’s the space to share about love. The love that will always prevail if we let it. The love that leads us when we’re broken.
Then, when the time is right and appropriate, I wonder if we can offer our enemies some love too. I wonder, if maybe… just maybe, we’ll see those enemies were children once, who just wanted to belong. Children who wanted to be heard, seen, and loved. Children who were dealt some shitty lessons and developed damaging tools for living because their basic needs were never met.
I’m not justifying any killer or abuser’s actions, I’m just asking for a new conversation. A new listening. A new hope.
I’m not saying that time is now. I’m not even saying that this is possible. But in my process now I’m committing to ending the discourse of us vs. them and instead only using the word we. Because at the end of the day, we’re all on the same planet now with the same beating hearts, the same color blood, and the same color tears. This is the only ounce of hope that is getting me by today. I don’t know if this will last, but I’m going to hold on as long as I can.
That’s my message for you today. I have nothing but my brokenness to offer you, and if you’re feeling broken too, I’m here to share your pain.
I’ll see you on the other side, because no feeling is permanent, that I know for sure.
All my love,